On the road to recovery

  7/31/2024 Day 9 summary at Rockford at the Orchards: - Good morning with a short episode of racing thoughts but able to shut them down quickly. Definitely see a significant difference in my response to this type of thing since treatment started. -Girls got their walk & ride. Connie had been a bit resistant to walking yesterday but seemed excited to get out today. -Normal arrival time. No one at the desk to buzz me in so I have to wait a few seconds at the inside door. -First order of business before the start of the session was to determine if I would need an extension of the 10-day program & to process/finalize work related FMLA paperwork. My initial thoughts were that I needed to get back into the real world to demonstrate I can incorporate what I've been taught when faced by the things that trigger me. As I explained to the facilitator, I love the program and see an opportunity for me to participate forever but I don't want it to become a crutch preventing me...

7/31/2024 Day 8 summary at Rockford at the Orchards: - Woke early to the sound of what I thought was someone screaming for me. Early start allowed me to have a relaxing walk/ride with the girls.  -9:20 arrival, again nothing eventful. -9:30 Session started with less than 10 people in the room and one online.  As the day progressed the number of people dwindled to 4 by 2 p.m. - A.M check in process/goal review: Current state- Calm Status of yesterday's goal.  Study the window of tolerance principles to better understand how I can broaden my personal window of tolerance.  After processing the principles I feel like each should be simple to execute but the one I like the most is positive containment imagery. Placing intrusive thoughts into a locked chest for secure keeping until I'm ready to process them.  - Next order of business was the mental health self-care tip.  You are not here by chance, but because you have a purpose that adds something special to the...

7/30/2024 Day 7 summary at Rockford at the Orchards: - Significant anxiety from an unknown source. - Walk, ride, cleaned the car before leaving. -Non-eventful drive & entry to the facility. -9:30 Session started with 12 people in the audience and one on-line. -Session started with each person given the opportunity to tell the group something unique about themselves. - A.M check in process: 1. Current state-Still anxious. 2. Status of day 6 goal. As promised I took the first hour after the therapy session to review the common patterns of anxious thinking and coping mechanisms available to combat such thoughts. Satisfied the goal but didn't do a good job of demonstrating use of coping mechanisms during morning walk. No applause for me but just shows there is opportunity for me to continue to improve. - Read thought for the day. 5 reasons putting yourself first is the opposite of selfish. 1. People you love the most love you too. 2. When you're burned out you sim...

7/29/2024 Day 6 summary at Rockford at the Orchards: - Very relaxing, non-stressful morning. - Awake early enough to take girls for a walk & ride and still have to cleanup around the house.  -9:15 arrival, nothing eventful. -9:30 Session started with 11 people in the audience of which 3 were new.  -Started off with communications related to aftercare & family sessions. My first aftercare appointment with an external therapist has been secured so I'm in a good place.  Others are having difficulty. - A.M check in process/weekend review: Current state- anxious but confident Status of weekend goal.  Maintain emotional stability. Keep a routine but step outside my comfort zone and do things that make me feel vulnerable. Kept myself busy doing normal, routine tasks and executed my plan to skydive. The latter was used to eliminate burdens if only for a short period during freefall.   I ran out of things to do late Sunday afternoon so I fell back on coping...

 July 27, 2024 Skydive #2 in the books. There was actually a therapeutical purpose motivating me to do another dive. In our Thursday session at Rockford we had guided meditation via YouTube. The concept of the video was for the viewer to visualize walking up a winding marble staircase each step leading the person away from his or her worries. At the very top, the person would feel much lighter having released the burden of the concerns. I wanted to find a way to recreate this feeling of relief but didn't know of such a staircase but thought why not reverse the method. I did and it worked. I left every worry in that plane at the top of the sky and when I jumped I could feel the relief of no longer having that burden. It helps me overcome the damage that was done to me so I can become a better person but doesn't help those I've affected. I can't be there for other people if I can't even be there for myself so I'll take today as a success. One baby step in...

  7/26/2024 Day 5 summary at Rockford at the Orchards: -Maintained same early morning wake-up routine. i.e. girls are happy. -9:15 arrival, nothing eventful. -Check in process: Current state- calm Status of goal from yesterday. Answered questions on the "understanding your past" form. As I was told this was an emotional exercise & one that could be an indicator of the source of at least some of my anger. As instructed, I immediately took a walk afterwards to decompress. Weekly progress. Significant drop in level of anxiety and feel more emotionally balanced. Became more engaging with the group as the week progressed. -Did a peer Q&A exercise. Each person was given a blank piece of paper and on it instructed to ask a question pertinent to their condition for which the group would then offer suggestions to help. Example questions are How can I fend off self-destructive thoughts that impact my self-esteem? What can I do to be happy? How do I forgive a parent f...